8 hours alone, two dead gophers and one speeding ticket later, I made it to Canmore. One of my best friends moved to Canmore 3 months ago, and living in the small city that I do just hasn't been the same. It was the longest I've eve driven alone. I got through 7 and 1/2 "This American Life" podcasts while panicking as I watched my gas go down to the last three ticks while there were no apparent gas stations approaching. I finally saw the foggy peaks of the mountains while listening to "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" -- the perfect mountain driving music. On my first day we decided to climb the mountain Ha Ling;Read More
Friend: "He just said 'K.' K! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"
Me: "I don't know! And there was a period?"
F: "There was a period!"
M: "That seems so intense. That changes everything."
F: "What do you mean it changes everything?"
M: "Well without the period it's a quick, easy syllable."
F: "Ok, quick and easy..."
M: "But with a period, that insinuates animosity."
F: "Oh god, animosity."
M: "What was the context of the conversation before the 'K.' ?!"
F: "I said
Me: "Have you noticed that you never get the courtesy wave anymore? Whenever I drive down these streets, nothing. I'm constantly pulling aside and NOTHING!"
Friend: "I know! The only time I maybe get a wave is from a little old lady."
M: "I'm tired of being courteous! Tired of it! Having manners is just no longer apart of this generation!"
F: "Those antiquated notions are no longer!"
M: "They might as well be flipping me off if they don't wave."
F: "Narcissistic pricks."
M: "We're an endangered species I tell ya! Yes we may
As granny continued to sell her cute pieces of jewelry and random knick knacks for 25 cents I sat silently in the corner holding down the fort, trying to keep my cool when wasps flew by. Our next garage-saler arrived. Looking through my uncles antiques, he didn't find anything that peaked his interest. He approached my bin of CD's listed as 'FREE' and rummaged through them, finding a few keepers (ACDC & Billy Idol). He insisted he give me $2. I refused and he left it on the table. I made my first sale (?).
After that, we had little to no traffic for an hour or so. She talked to me about how she had been living in the house since '59 and it was all wheat fields before the neighbourhood was developed:
Want me to design your space? My favorite past-time is scouring Kijiji for the coolest vintage items. . .which I end up buying with no space to put them. Using Photoshop and Sketchup to pieces together mock-ups of a space is my forte. Of course, you can opt out of having Playboys in your corner and maybe showcase vintage Vogue or Vanity Fair. Leafy greens are a must and an old style bar cart paired with the biggest collection of retro glassware you will come across is peachy. However, this is my style. I want to take what I like and bring those undertones into other peoples homes or rooms. You're looking for a long term relationship with your space, not a one night stand.Read More
There were three large sized tubs; one extremely hot, one hot, and one cold. There were also two steam rooms; one wet, and one dry. As I walked in, I once again received many glances. I was still wearing my robe, but I saw almost every body type you could imagine. It was great. And, every single woman had a bush. I didn't see one kitten wax in the entire spa, so, I fit in. I walked over to the showering area, as you were told to rinse off before entering the tubs or saunas. I finally took off my robe and had a shower. I walked over to the tub area robe-less and opted for the extremely hot tub as the hot tub was fairly full. I realized why 4 minutes into relaxing, it was HOT. I sat on the edge with my feet submerged in water as there were three other ladies in the tub as well. In the hot tub next to ours two girlfriends were chatting loudly about how "he's so hard to be in a relationship with, like what does he expect?" I continued to sweat in hot tub #1 while over hearing their conversation and watching as women walked by, trying not to stare. I was just fascinated by the comfort level of everyone. How every person could be so different, yet clearly not care what the others thought. I loved it. Finally, 8 minutes in, I was dying of heat exhaustion in hot tub #1. I took refuge in the cold tub, where there was no one. I plunked into the tub and suddenly realized it was VERY cold. Again, I sat on the edge for awhile until my toes turned neon.
I put my now soggy slippers back onRead More
As I continue following the girl out of the alcove of spa-wear, there is an area of memory foam mattress' and massage chairs in front of one large T.V. I poke my curious head in and I get many glances back, as though I was interrupting the Korean version of Days of Our Lives. I kept walking and there were many women with their white robes hanging fully open, nothing underneath, and completely nude women walking past me. I didn't care. They didn't care. It was like being in a locker room; it was mandatory to go into the ladies spa area nude. I found my locker within the ten double sided rows and began placing my things inside. One locker over from mine, there were two ladies yelling at each other in Spanish as they undressed, I wish I had known what they were saying. I began to take off my clothes, still unsure of where to go next. Finally, I just had my robe and my slippers on. I walked around toRead More
I arrived at the airport a day early. Something only I would do. Apparently my flight leaves at 9am on Tuesday, not Monday. I'm on my way to visit my boyfriend and he had made resevations at a restaurant for Monday evening thinking that I would be there. He rescheduled it for Tuesday, rolling his eyes I can only assume. I show up the next morning to try it again. When I go to check in I'm told that they oversold the seats for my flight and 13 passengers do not have a seat--I am one of those 13. The next flight leaves 10 hours later from my connection. I have my period so my emotions were amplified to say the least. I hold them back as I usually do in life. Now, here I am. Stuck in the Calgary airport for the next 9 hours. Flying gives me anxiety, airports in general tend not to sit well with me. Therefore I refuse to leave the airport, not that there's anywhere I'd like to see in Calgary, and sit at my gate on my laptop trying to be productive. I worry about successfully navigating the airport, missing my flight, or not knowing where to recheck my bag. As funny as that sounds, I actually love travelling. Just not the act of getting from place to place via the anxiety ridden middle man that is flying.
I haven't seen him in one month, which is actually the shortest time in awhile. Before that one week a month ago it was six months. He moved to L.A. around a year and a half ago. We had been dating forRead More
"I felt like I had a napkin on my head."
"We weren't drunk in this...or stoned...and we're not right now either."
Why do people take themselves and life in general so seriously is my question? Obviously I don't plan ono running for council or being a civil figure (although there have been some great ones thus far... :| ), but still, what if I did? Honestly, take a look at what's happening in the world. We live in a place where Donald Trump actually has a chance of becoming president, where people are ignoring climate change and mindlessly carrying on with their lives because they and their families are the only ones who matter to them, where people are obsessed with "The Bachelor" and where people actually spend their time and energy making negative comments to harass people they don't even know on all social media platforms. What is this? If this is what I live in, I might as well do something creative, put myself out there and maybe build up enough of an audience to positively influence people in the future. No?Read More
"My time is raw silk, and she's treating it like it's jersey knit."
"Half of the sandbar is in my vagina right now."
As most of you probably know, especially if you follow me on Instagram, I've been working on a project for awhile now, Groupchat: The Series. I was inspired by all of the amazing series that I have come across, "High Maintenance", "The Guild", "Master of None", "Fargo", & "Chelsea Does" just to name a few. Although these are nothing like Groupchat, I was inspired by my insane, intelligent, creatively witty friends who I've known for years and have just come to realize that I should publish their personalities. We had been in a groupchat for just over two years, you have no idea the things that were said on this chat, the episode is just scraping the surface; that will give you a sense of how crazy we are. The chat members include Rachael Meckling (The Blonde), Jill Bogan (The Redhead), Sol Phorbes (who actually didn't appear in the episode, but will be making appearance in episode two!), and myself. I went as far back as early 2014 in the groupchat and began taking screenshotsRead More